Good-bye

Another ending.

Meaning #1: something that began for the third time has ended again.

Meaning #2: something that began for the third time can continue, resulting in something different, better, happier.

#1 is reality.

#2 is fantasy.

Can I alter the meaning of something that has already happened? Can I make fantasy reality? Maybe a more important question is, do I want to? And, what does he want?

Well, it's too late for any question now. What's done is done. This is another ending. And sadly, the last ending.

Sad for two reasons.

Reason #1: I miss him.

Reason #2: I fear the loneliness.

#1 is the immediate pain.

#2 is the real pain.

It isn't so much the absense of him that pains me as much as it is the presence of no one.

I am alone. He filled that void. And I am alone.

At least these experiences have sent me running back to my one true love: writing. It fills the void like it fills a blank page like he filled me.



But whether it's writing or loving, I remain empty. And alone.

And here I sit, dwelling in this, another ending.

Option #1: Sit and fester.

Option #2: Return to him if--he'll have me.

(And this time, there is a #3)
Option #3: Live and love living and erase the emptiness with life and love and laughter and the exhiliration of it all.

#3, because the sun is waiting for me and so is life.

Good-bye.