.....yes, a cliche, but a crossroads nonetheless. 2009 has brought tremendous changes for me, most of which were unwelcome. But they came regardless of my most passionate efforts towards a different reality and so here I am now. December 31, 2009, a full moon above, a rare occasion as I've read. I sit here as a guest in a familiar house with curlers in my hair awaiting the night to start, a night that will bring memories and pictures along with the new year. Yet, I am not where I imagined myself to be. This feels almost like a lie but not as harsh or cruel. It's as if I am machine in a car factory, diligently doing what I must, completing the task put before me, but all without feeling, emotion, or desire. That's what 2009 has felt like for me. I want 2010 to be on purpose, not a reaction. Do I have it in me? It seems as if this rallying cry of mine comes around once in a blue moon (pun intended as there is a blue moon shining down on me as I type). Am I going to do it? Not right now at least. It's time to layer on the sequins and heels and mascara. It'll happen. The question is, will it happen because things must happen or will it happen because I made things happen?
